Fat To Fit Blog XLIII: 19 week weigh in....mission accomplished.

Can't believe I'm actually here after 19 weeks I'm at my goal weight...35.5lbs lost in total. I'm 11 stone and I can't describe how good I feel about myself right now for accomplishing this. Back then I don't think I could even imagine myself looking this way or that I could stick with it for this long without giving up but I'm here know and I don't ever wanna go back to the way I looked before I was so unhappy with my body but now I feel proud to show it off. I'm truly thankful for all the people in my life who have supported me and have given me ammazing compliments. Honestly I've never had so many compliments in my life and it feels good that even people who don't know me that well and have just followed this blog know how much work I've put in :)

I'm not sure yet how I feel about losing more weight. I feel pretty happy with the way my body looks but I know I'm still technically overweight. My maximum healthy weight is still 9lbs loss away. I want to lose more because it would be nice but now I've met my goal I think it'd be good to take the pressure off myself. Instead of being 44lbs overweight, I'm on ly 9lbs overweight now and I can live with that. I'm gonna keep living my life the way I have been and if lose more, that's great, if I gain, I'll watch my diet a bit better.

Overall I'd say I'd met my main goal from losing weight and that was to get my confidence back. I still have my bad days as everyone does but generally when I get dressed, I think damn! you're looking good :) and wow I don't have to breathe in and struggle to do up a pair of jeans/shorts. It's a good feeling to not feel so uncomfortable in my own skin.

Its also given me more confidence about the opposite sex  I think this quote sums up how I've felt for a long time

"I feel like an empty shell that's been hollowed out by all the men I've known  romantically bit by bit and after Tim it felt like there was really nothing left to offer or give to anyone." see Spark

I don't feel like I'm being judged and I believe in myself as a person of worth. I believe I have plenty to offer someone and that they would be lucky to spend time with a girl like me. I don't want to be this heartless girl that has been hollowed out by everyone before but after the way I've been treated and the past I've had, I know it's been easier to not care about someone else, it's easier to close myself off and say they mean nothing to me. I've been feeling less cold and that's a step in the right direction I guess, to let myself feel something for someone else rather than just assume the worst and run away from it. I'm nowhere near ready to love someone but I think I could like someone and give them a chance and for me that feels like a huge step that doesn't sound right coming from me.

This has been a VERY long blog but as it feels like the end of journey I thought it'd be good to compare how I felt on the 13th June to how I feel now. My confidence may not be perfect, my body may not be perfect but I'm the happiest and at most peace with myself I've been in a long time. It's been a journey of physical change but I don't think you go through something like and don't change on the inside. I'm not a completely different person, I just feel like myself again.

Finally another thank you to everyone who has read this blog, it means the world to me :)

Now to finish with a couple of quotes from my very first blog.

"So I have vowed to lose 35lbs not sure by what date hopefully by the end of this year! At the moment I'm at week 3 and I have lost 2.75lbs so far it's a start but I'm going to keep eating healthy, exercising and keeping my eyes on the prize, to look at a sexy curvy girl in the mirror who is proud of her shape, what she has accomplished and who she is"

I feel like I can now give this quote an end date, its not just by the end of the year anymore..Start Date: 13.06.2011 End Date 28.10.2011 I wouldn't say I'm absolutely brimming with confidence but I can say now that I am proud of my shape, what I've accomplished and who I am. I feel like a better person for going through all of this ;)

"My confidence when I'm out is gone, I wanna cover up, be nice to everyone so they don't point out my size so I'm known as Laura, the nice girl, the funny girl, the crazy girl just because I can't stand to think that people would be going "do you know Laura, the fat girl?"

Hopefully I can lay this thought to rest and it will never possible to refer to me as the fat girl again. Its a strange paranoia assuming that people do say such horrible things but you never know people describe you and I never want that word near a description of me ever again. I've worked too god damn hard.

Also thought I'd mention the 10 goals I set myself I'm crossing them all off as I feel like I've met them all :)

10 motivational goals/aspirations

1. To go back to university in September a slimmer and more confident person
2. To be a size 12-14 rather than 16-18
3. To feel comfortable about my body in underwear
4. To be a smaller bra size, 32E would be ideal.
5. For my waist size to be 28-29 inches, believe it or not I have a naturally slim waist and back! its been awhile since its been that size though.
6. To buy size 14 hipster jeans and feel sexy in them, part of the reason I never wear jeans is because they make me feel fat, you can't have muffin tops/buddha belly in a flowing dress.
7. To have a defined jawline and décolletage again, I'll be glad to get rid of my double chin and lack of collarbone definition.
8. To wear the size 14 leather/suede mini skirt I bought from new look last year, I have never worn it because when I bought it I was slightly too big for it when I bought it and planned to diet to fit in and never got round to it, on a night out and feel confident that I fit in it.
9. To fit comfortably in my denim shorts for fresher's week, since I loved wearing them last year during freshers.
10. To not be classed as an obese woman again, I can deal with being overweight according to BMI as I'm a curvy girl but I will not be obese!

Weight Loss Goal: 35.5lbs

Starting Weight: 189.5lbs (13st 7.5lbs)

Current Weight: 154 lbs (11st 0 lbs)

Weight Loss This Week: 2lbs

Weight Loss So Far: 35.5lbs

Current Weight Loss to Go: 0lbs

Goal Weight: 154lbs (11st

See you soon xo