Day 1: New beginnings

So it's been a long time and to be honest I should have kept writing as my weight has skyrocketed not back to where I started but not far off. I got content and thought because I was slimmer I could eat all of the bad foods and not do exercise except I was only slimmer because I had avoided bad foods and exercised.


My current stats are:


Weight: 176lbs (12st 8lb)
BMI: 30.2
Bust: 39in
Waist: 29in
Hips: 39in
Stomach: 36in
Arms: 12.5in
Thighs: 24in


So not great considering last September I was 154lbs...I've gained 22lbs in less than a year and that is really hard to stomach right now after all the hard work I put in last summer. I'm back on track with the gym going 3/4 times a week but I'm really struggling to keep on top of the diet side of things. I've lost 4lbs in the past few weeks since coming home but I felt that shitty about the way I looked yesterday I bought a family bag of doritos, tub of sour cream and chive dip and a southern fried chicken wrap and ate it in all one go. I felt sick afterwards but I just thought screw it! Maybe I'm just meant to be obese and not as slim as my friends. the curvy girl forever more. My aim last year was to be the less curvy girl and I supose I am as I'm still 14lbs lighter than I was. I just so badly want to fit into my size 12 skinny jeans again but I just feel bottom heavy and thundering around like a rodeo bull. I'm still a size 12-14 but more on the size 14 side.


I need to get back on track, part of me thinks I'm too obsessed with the way I look, that I only feel attractive in a particular size that no matter what I've never become comfortable with my curves. Maybe I'm just a product of an over obsessed culture and find myself envying girls less intelligent and driven than I am just because they are a size 8-10. Its completely backwards I should value myself on the inside but I feel like I have to be everything. I have to be slim, I have to be beautiful, I have to be intelligent, I have to be funny, I have to be ambitious, I have to have a career, I have to get married, I have to make money, I have to have kids. And on top of that act carefree about it, like it's no effort at all to do all of these things, sometimes I think something has to give and that's why I don't blame overweight/obese people as you try and meet all these standards in life, food is an easy one to lose control of and it makes you feel good. Try and argue sweet, sugary, salty, fatty foods don't taste good? Its impossible its what we're designed to crave but there's too much to consume, so we overconsume thinking the storm is coming and it never does.


I'm off to the gym now to do my first full routine with resistance training and I'm going to get back on track with my diet my writing down everything I eat from now on and what exercise I do. I'n going back to blogging so the whole world can hold me accountable to my actions. It's not going to be easy but I believe one day I will concur my issues with food and my weight and be happy.


Food


1 plain bagel with cream cheese


1 chicken sandwich with lowfat spread


1 packet of plain crisps


2 crispbread with 10g jalapeno and red pepper hummus


1 fat free greek honeyed peach yoghurt


1 bowl of spaghetti bolognese with 10g parmesan and 1 slice of crusty wide bread with butter.


1 pot of melon pieces

Exercise

5min treadmill
10 min cross trainer
7 min rower
5 min arm bike
5 min wave machine
2 x 15 leg presses
2 x 15 adductor
2 x 15 abductor
2 x 15 chest press
3 x 30 ab crunches
5 recline bike