Wednesday, 31 August 2011

Fat To Fit Blog XXXIII: The Boobie Blog

Well it's official i've accomplished goal no.4! my boobs are smaller. I went to grab some bras in the sale at Asda to tide me over, they always have huge sizes left in the sale, until I get my boobs measured when i've finished losing weight.


I was a 34G, i'm now a 32F. I was planning on a 32E which still might happen but I'm happy to be this size and in my eyes i've met my goal of having (slightly) smaller boobs :)


1. To go back to university in September a slimmer and more confident person
2. To be a size 12-14 rather than 16-18
3. To feel comfortable about my body in underwear
4. To be a smaller bra size, 32E would be ideal.
5. For my waist size to be 28-29 inches, believe it or not I have a naturally slim waist and back! its been awhile since its been that size though.
6. To buy size 14 hipster jeans and feel sexy in them, part of the reason I never wear jeans is because they make me feel fat, you can't have muffin tops/buddha belly in a flowing dress.
7. To have a defined jawline and décolletage again, I'll be glad to get rid of my double chin and lack of collarbone definition.
8. To wear the size 14 leather/suede mini skirt I bought from new look last year, I have never worn it because when I bought it I was slightly too big for it when I bought it and planned to diet to fit in and never got round to it, on a night out and feel confident that I fit in it.
9. To fit comfortably in my denim shorts for fresher's week, since I loved wearing them last year during freshers.
10. To not be classed as an obese woman again, I can deal with being overweight according to BMI as I'm a curvy girl but I will not be obese!

Monday, 29 August 2011

Fat To Fit Blog XXXII: 11 week weigh in

Weight Loss Goal: 35lbs

Starting Weight: 189.5lbs (13st 7.5lbs)

Current Weight: 167 lbs (11st 13lbs)

Weight Loss This Week: 2lbs

Weight Loss So Far: 22.5lbs

Current Weight Loss to Go: 12.5lbs

Goal Weight: 154lbs (11st)

1. To go back to university in September a slimmer and more confident person
2. To be a size 12-14 rather than 16-18
3. To feel comfortable about my body in underwear
4. To be a smaller bra size, 32E would be ideal.
5. For my waist size to be 28-29 inches, believe it or not I have a naturally slim waist and back! its been awhile since its been that size though.
6. To buy size 14 hipster jeans and feel sexy in them, part of the reason I never wear jeans is because they make me feel fat, you can't have muffin tops/buddha belly in a flowing dress.
7. To have a defined jawline and décolletage again, I'll be glad to get rid of my double chin and lack of collarbone definition.
8. To wear the size 14 leather/suede mini skirt I bought from new look last year, I have never worn it because when I bought it I was slightly too big for it when I bought it and planned to diet to fit in and never got round to it, on a night out and feel confident that I fit in it.
9. To fit comfortably in my denim shorts for fresher's week, since I loved wearing them last year during freshers.
10. To not be classed as an obese woman again, I can deal with being overweight according to BMI as I'm a curvy girl but I will not be obese!


I'm now 11 stone something and have lost over 1.5 stone, I really haven't been this slim in years and as long as I stay in the 11st weight range i'll have met my goal for going back to Aberystwyth :) I've met a few other goals recently as well which I can cross off. I bought my 2nd top that was a size 12 and am now only looking at size 14 clothes for my bottom half and 12s for my top so I can officially say I'm a size 12-14 and have met goal no.2 :) Also I've been keeping track of my measurements as I've gone along and I am now a 28in waist so I've met goal no.5 :)


The bra size goal I know I have met in some sense as my bras are getting far too big and i'm having to wear them on the tightest setting but I don't think I'll get measured until i'm 11st 7lb and know I'm very close to my goal weight as the size could still change in the next half a stone comes off so I don't want to buy new bras to only need new ones later down the line. The other goals are more depending on how I feel about myself and right now I feel pretty good but I'm not quite there with those other goals yet :)

I haven't done it yet on this blog as I felt ashamed of my measurements I felt huge so I didn't want to post but after nearly 3 months I feel ready to share as I have lost so many inches and inches are just as important as lbs :)

Original Bust: 42in
Current Bust: 38in

Original Waist: 33in
Current Waist: 28in

Original Hips: 43in
Current Hips: 39in

Original Thigh: 26.5in
Current Thigh: 23in

Original Arm: 14in
Current Arm: 12in

This last measurement is a bit of random one but I did the measure the size of my belly as it was huge when I started to be honest I felt like I could be secretly pregnant it was so big so I kept track of it shrinking and it's like it's disappeared, there's still a little bit of belly but it's nothing compared to the spare tyre I was carrying!

Original Belly: 41in
Current Belly: 35in

See you next week for the 12 week weigh in, the last one before my holiday to Tenerife! xo

Tuesday, 23 August 2011

Fat To Fit Blog XXXI: Spark

This is definitely more of a feelings blog than a practical weight loss blog as I'm trying to share the experience of weight loss. It's definitely not an easy process. Everyone even me automatically thinks that if I lost that 5, 10, 15, 20, 50lbs suddenly I'll feel amazing and the world will be at my feet as I'll feel so confident in my new "perfect" body. It's cheesy but happiness comes from within it's really nothing to with what you look like. I thought I'd feel way more confident and happy than I do by this point. I'm the slimmest I've been in 2 years, I should be jumping for joy and strutting my stuff but I'm not. I'm catching my reflection and I'm thinking, yeah that's more appealing but it's not good enough. The perfectionist nature and weight loss can be a dangerous mix as you're always striving for better which is a good quality in some aspects of life but will I ever be happy with what I look like?


I was watching Cherry's Body Dilemmas last night and I saw myself in all these women. I'd never get surgery but I saw the self hatred and I see it in myself. I looked over some old journals and I've had issues with food since at least 14, always feeling guilt about food even though I was a size 8-10 at that point and I felt fat and worthless and I think I've carried it with me a long time no matter what I've looked like. The idea of me being fat has been burnt into my brain, I think I've never come to terms with having a woman's body, sometimes my breasts feel alien to me like they're not meant to be that size and my hips are far too large even though I look completely normal. I became a woman on the outside but never accepted it on the inside.


I think a lot of it was how badly bullied I was during school and lot of the taunts were about my appearance,if I'm being more specific they were about everything my body, my face, my personality, my intelligence and stuff that wasn't even true. I think that scared self conscious girl is still inside of me and still rules the way I think about myself. I think a lot of my motivation in my life has stemmed from trying to prove a bunch of idiots wrong and I need to stop that in it's track. My success has to be for me I can't carry these demons with me forever.

On the flipside in this programme was a naturist and was at a camp with other naturists and were totally comfortable being naked and a women who was overweight who did a vintage clothes blog and gave up on dieting and threw away the scales and accepted her body as it was. I wish I had that acceptance about myself and could have that confidence. I
know confidence doesn't come from your looks it comes from within and being happy in your own skin and with your life. I should really stop working so hard to lose this weight so quickly and channel some of that energy into finding what makes me happy. I feel like I've lost my spark, what makes me and what makes me happy lately. I'm floating around getting slimmer but I think I'm getting numb to it as I'm not happy.



Ever since my break up with Tim in January and my vow to be single this year I've had to come face to face with who I am and not focus on a man. It's hit me harder than I thought it would, for the first time in 7 years I've been truly alone and part of me wants to run into a new relationship to escape having to deal with all of this and throw myself into being a girlfriend rather than being Laura. I think I really have forgotten who I am outside of relationships. I feel like an empty shell that's been hollowed out by all the men I've know romantically bit by bit and after Tim it felt like there was really nothing left to offer or give to anyone.


I have to realise I have plenty to offer someone, I am a good person and when it's the right person they will be bring out the best in me and vice verse. But first I've got to come to terms with myself and find out what makes me happy outside of relationships so I'm going to sit down tonight and write a list of all the things that make me happy and attempt to do some of them. My life can't be all about one thing and it can't be all about this diet I need to distract myself from my thoughts about food and get out there and live my life. I don't want to look back and regret my time as a student simply because I felt too insecure or got too obsessed with a diet. Life is all about the little things that make you happy and I think everyone can take this message away from this blog

Monday, 22 August 2011

Fat To Fit Blog XXX: 10 week weigh in (it's not porn its blog no. 30!)

I haven't weighed myself for two weeks as last week I decided to give it a miss because of Aberystwyth and antibiotics. I forgot to change the weigh in for 8 weeks as I actually lost a 1lb less I wrote down the wrong weight on the blog, found the right one in my academic planner which has become my food/weight diary.  I trumped my horn about my 10% loss of body weight a bit prematurely but I'm here now :)

I'm happy considering just 1lb and a bit and I'll be a 11 stone something which has not happened in over 2 and half years so I'm a bit excited to say the least! And I'm officially in 20 something lbs lost category which is mental to think about. I honestly thought I'd never get this far but here I am almost 12 stone exactly and 10 weeks ago I was well on my way to being 14 stone.

As long as I go back to Aberystwyth in 4 weeks time 11 stone something I'll be happy. I still have a week long holiday in Tenerife to contend with. I'm not planning to go mad with food and drink but i'll definitely not be on my normal diet so I'm going to try and cut myself a bit of slack for that weigh in as well. It makes me smile just thinking about how even next week I could be possibly calling myself a 11 stone something rather than sheepishly saying 12 stone something or 13 stone something with a blushing red face and have the comments of 'I would have never guessed!' and you have that feeling they're going 'you fat hefer!' in the back of your mind.


I'm getting so close the 11 stone girl I want to be, see you next Monday :) xo


Weight Loss Goal: 35lbs

Starting Weight: 189.5lbs (13st 7.5lbs)

Current Weight: 169 lbs (12st 1 lbs)

Weight Loss This Week:  1.75lbs

Weight Loss So Far:  20.5lbs


Current Weight Loss to Go: 14.5lbs

Goal Weight: 154lbs (11st)

Monday, 15 August 2011

Fat To Fit Blog XXIX: Aberystwyth Mad Weekend and Photo Comparison


Here's what 19lbs lost actually looks like in a decent photograph :) except the one on the right, my god I feel horrible looking at that photo now.

Anyways I've just come back from a weekend in Aberystwyth and to be fair last week Mon-Thurs, I followed my diet perfectly with no slip ups. However Friday to Sunday remains a different matter. Friday I ate a load of cheesy pasta bake, got drunk and ended the night with a kebab and chips. Saturday I ate pizza and curly fries, turkey drummers and mini cheddars. Sunday I ate chinese ready meal of some kind of chicken and egg fried rice, more mini cheddars, a maple pecan danish and fish and chips.

So after all that I'm scared to weigh myself tomorrow I really am even though for over half the week last week I was very good, those 3 days at the weekend were incredibly bad calorie and lack of exercise wise, unless drunk dancing counts! But I think I really needed to do that, I was becoming far too calorie and exercise obsessed and couldn't seem to let go of healthy eating habits and nagging voices in my head. So I fully let go and let myself eat what I wanted and get drunk and it was fun. I really recommend it to anyone who has been on diet for a long time (longer than a couple of weeks) you start to get obsessed if you can't cheat! Now I've had my cheat weekend it's time to get back on the diet wagon and face the consequences tomorrow morning on the scale. I think I'm going to have to encorporate some kind of cheat into my week so I don't need to do a whole weekend to get the obsessions out of my head.

Another thing I'm not sure whether my weight will be affected at the moment by the course of antitibiotics and the fact I've had to start taking the combined pill as well as having the implant in my arm because of bad problems with that so with all those extra calories and extra chemicals/hormones in my body, I'm gonna try to not be hard on myself but if the number seems too bizarre I might not post it and give my body another week to recover from the weekend and to finish taking my antibiotics and miss my 9 week weigh in out :)

xo

Thursday, 11 August 2011

Fat To Fit Blog XXVIII: Jealousy and Guilt

Jealousy and guilt I've been feeling for a while. Lately I can't seem to bring myself to have something unhealthy without an anagonising debate in my mind whether I deserve it, how many calories could it be and then once I've eaten said item, I feel wracked with guilt and it's really beginning to worry me.

I have an addictive personality so I always have to be wary in life whether it's drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, sex or food. I have to take stock and make sure I'm not overdoing it, smoking I can't fix for now as I don't feel ready to give it up and I have to feel ready to give it up. I think I may be getting addicted to dieting and calorie counting as I'm finding it so difficult to let go. I'm trying to, i had a chicken butterfly breast burger and chips at wetherspoons with 2 pints of alcohol last night and that felt difficult to let go of. I wasn't going to go the gym today as I've been feeling so tired and keep suffering constant headaches but after last night and the upcoming weekend I felt too guilty not to go.

I don't want this healthy eating to control my life, I want to have a normal life and not be having this constant battle in my mind about whether I should eat. So I had a piece of new york cheesecake today, if I've worked my butt off and been really good all week, how much do I think a piece of cheesecake is really going to hurt me. When I go through phases of eating badly, I show no regard for my health whatsover but when I try and eat healthy I convince myself food is the enemy. This is just another issue I'm going to have to come to terms with. I have a bad relationship with food which I need to fix so I can be a healthy person who can have a burger once in awhile without having constant conflicts or be the opposite and eat burgers all the time because I believe it'll make me feel better about my problems. Food is either my comfort blanket or my enemy, I just want it to be somewhere in between.

Another emotion I've been feeling a lot lately is jealousy. I feel jealous of most people even some of my closest friends. I want to be happy for them but part of me just feels like what is the point? I'm always going to have these big boobs that hurt my back, big hips and a butt that make me feel huge and I'll always be short. In my head I guess I want to 5'8 and slim hipped with small shapely boobs but I can never be that person. I'm short and curvy and no amount of dieting is going to change that and I'm finding it hard to accept my body for what it is. I look around and feel angry, why don't I look like that? Yes I have a curvy shape but when I go shopping it makes me feel all the clothes out there weren't designed for me they were designed for this fantasy body I'll never achieve. I want to be happy and proud of myself for losing so much weight so far but part of me just feels like the short podgy girl no one will ever take a second glance at when I walk in room. I never used to feel invisible but lately I look at myself and feel like a ghost of me.

I walk down the street and part of me hopes I won't be noticed by anyone especially men as I don't think I can deal with it any more. Male strangers scare the hell out of me and I don't want to feel that way inside. The thought of man approaching me just fills me with anxiety. I don't know where this confidence crisis has come from, I think just my last relationship's break up hit me really hard and I haven't felt like myself since. It was 7 months ago and part of me is going "move on already!" "you weren't together for that long!" I think this year is the first time in a long time I haven't used having a boyfriend to give me confidence and I'm finding it hard to cope by myself and not have that boost from a partner. Losing weight isn't going to fix my problems with my confidence or my problems with the opposite sex and I don't know what will. So for now I'm gonna try and find ways to break out of this thought process, food isn't the enemy, men aren't the enemy and especially I'm not my enemy. I'm a good person and I need be a better friend to myself.

Monday, 8 August 2011

Fat To Fit Blog XXVII: 8 week weigh in

Great loss this week :) only a 1.25lb away from 20lbs lost so far!
Next week's weigh in may be a different story as it will be on tuesday of next week as I'm spending a weekend in Aberystwyth with Vicki and Pearlie :) I plan to stick to my diet/exercise regime as much as possible this week but I will be getting drunk on friday and treating myself a little while I'm there which I think I have earned :)

Weight Loss Goal: 35lbs

Starting Weight: 189.5lbs (13st 7.5lbs)

Current Weight: 170.75lbs (12st  2.75 lbs)

Weight Loss This Week:  1.75lbs

Weight Loss So Far: 18.75lbs


Current Weight Loss to Go: 16.25lbs

Goal Weight: 154lbs (11st)

See you next Tuesday :) xo

Saturday, 6 August 2011

Fat To Fit Blog XXVI: The Random Blog

Hey everyone, thought I'd do another little update of random things, so its not a proper blog with a theme, more of a random selection of information.


Firstly I fit into the leather and suede size 14 skirt which was goal no.8 if you remember (see below). I haven't worn it outside the house yet but I plan to wear it next weekend for my weekend in Aber with my favourite girlies :) I'm sorry the picture is terrible (again!) but hopefully I can get Vicki or Pearlie to take a decent picture of me wearing the skirt :)



1. To go back to university in September a slimmer and more confident person
2. To be a size 12-14 rather than 16-18

3. To feel comfortable about my body in underwear
4. To be a smaller bra size, 32E would be ideal.
5. For my waist size to be 28-29 inches, believe it or not I have a naturally slim waist and back! its been awhile since its been that size though.
6. To buy size 14 hipster jeans and feel sexy in them, part of the reason I never wear jeans is because they make me feel fat, you can't have muffin tops/buddha belly in a flowing dress.
7. To have a defined jawline and décolletage again, I'll be glad to get rid of my double chin and lack of collarbone definition.
8. To wear the size 14 leather/suede mini skirt I bought from new look last year, I have never worn it because when I bought it I was slightly too big for it when I bought it and planned to diet to fit in and never got round to it, on a night out and feel confident that I fit in it.
9. To fit comfortably in my denim shorts for fresher's week, since I loved wearing them last year during freshers.
10. To not be classed as an obese woman again, I can deal with being overweight according to BMI as I'm a curvy girl but I will not be obese!

Also I mentioned fitting into Vicki's chinos a while back Body Combat, Size 14 and Bikinis well now they are becoming far too loose and I need a belt to keep them up! It was only 3 weeks ago that I managed to fit into them for the first time and now I'm outgrowing them. Its sad because I love them but awesome as it means i'm definitely losing my tummy and getting smaller :)

And finally I'm officially in love with these raisins thanks to Vicki, they're a brilliant snack and only 75 calories, super yummy, 32p for a packet (much healthier choice than a chocolate bar and it gives you your sweet tooth fix) and avaliable at Asda/Health Food Shops :) The cherry flavour is my favourite but you can also get them in orange, pineapple and lemon.




Thursday, 4 August 2011

Fat To Fit Blog XXV: Size 14 Jeans

Goal number six has been achieved today, I bought a size 14 pair of bootcut jeans from matalan, they were only £10 but it was the greatest feeling :) They are only plain black jeans but every women reading this will know the horror of jean shopping! You never know I may end up in a size 12 pair of jeans in the future! I wouldn't say I've met my goal of size 12-14 just yet even though the top i'm wearing in the photo is a size 12 (its very stretchy) but there are still some clothes I'd need a 16, so right now I'd say I'm a 14-16 which is an improvement on size 16-18 :)
1. To go back to university in September a slimmer and more confident person
2. To be a size 12-14 rather than 16-18

3. To feel comfortable about my body in underwear
4. To be a smaller bra size, 32E would be ideal.
5. For my waist size to be 28-29 inches, believe it or not I have a naturally slim waist and back! its been awhile since its been that size though.
6. To buy size 14 hipster jeans and feel sexy in them, part of the reason I never wear jeans is because they make me feel fat, you can't have muffin tops/buddha belly in a flowing dress.
7. To have a defined jawline and décolletage again, I'll be glad to get rid of my double chin and lack of collarbone definition.
8. To wear the size 14 leather/suede mini skirt I bought from new look last year, I have never worn it because when I bought it I was slightly too big for it when I bought it and planned to diet to fit in and never got round to it, on a night out and feel confident that I fit in it.
9. To fit comfortably in my denim shorts for fresher's week, since I loved wearing them last year during freshers.
10. To not be classed as an obese woman again, I can deal with being overweight according to BMI as I'm a curvy girl but I will not be obese!

This is not the best picture of me but screw it! the jeans are a 14 :D



Tuesday, 2 August 2011

Fat to Fit Blog XXIV: Baked Berry Cheesecake Recipe

This recipe was inspired by a recipe in a healthy eating recipe book bought at a carboot and has needed a little tweaking thus two cheesecakes have been made in our house in the last 2 days but at only 118 calories for a quarter of it, I can pig out a little :) Its got more a moussey texture than normal cheesecake but then again it doesn't have a butter biscuit base, or full fat soft cheese :) I did hear you could make the biscuit base of normal cheesecakes with crushed biscuits and use egg white instead of melted butter but have not tried that idea.

Baked Berry Cheesecake

Ingredients
175g low fat cottage cheese or quark (fat free cream cheese)
150g low fat natural yoghurt
1 tbsp of wholemeal flour
2 tbsp of golden caster sugar
1 egg
1 egg white
finely grated rind and juice of 1/2 lemon
150g soft berries (blackberries, blueberries, raspberries, cranberries or a mix of them all)




Instructions
1. Preheat oven to Gas Mark 5 and lightly grease and line a 7in cake tin
2. Whizz the cottage cheese with a handblender/processor until smooth. If using quark then you can eliminate this step.
3. Mix the whizzed cottage cheese/quark with the yoghurt, flour, sugar, egg and egg white until smooth then add the lemon rind, lemon juice and black berries and lightly stir the mixture.
4. Tip the mixture into the prepared tin and bake it for 50-55 minutes. Turn off the oven and leave the cheesecake in the oven for 30 minutes.
5. Run a knife edge around the edge of the cheesecake and turn it out on to a serving plate and remove the lining paper.
6. You can either serve it straight away warm (like the recipe originally suggested) or like I did refrigerate it for an hour so it's a little more set.

In the whole cheesecake there is 470 calories, so per quarter of it is 118 calories and per eighth is 59 calories so very much a healthy treat :)

Monday, 1 August 2011

Fat To Fit Blog XXIII: 7 week weigh in

I've lost 2lbs this week, not as good as last week but still a great loss :) So that brings me up to the total of 17lbs so far. I'm half way to my goal at 7 weeks, I've got 7 more weeks until I start back at university not sure if I'll make it all the way to 35lbs but hopefully a good bit more will come off by then.

My aim originally was to lose 10% of my  original body weight (19lbs) in 14 weeks as I've only got to lose 2 more lbs to reach that goal, I'm gonna aim to be a 11st something by the time I'm back so I've got to lose at least 6lbs. It's less than a 1lb a week and taking my holiday in Tenerfie and weekend in Aber into account, I think its a reasonable goal that I think I can accomplish and possibly beat. I'm not going to set myself to lose all 35lbs as I think that's too much pressure and my weight loss will begin to settle down over the next few weeks to a 1lb-2lb a week.

Its absolutely mental to think I've lost that much as I don't think my mind has caught up yet as I'm still having the whole 'my belly is huge' when its a hell of a lot smaller than it was. I'm wearing size 16 jeans that I couldn't pull up around my hips before but now am having to pull them up when I'm walking around as the waist is loose on them. I may actually need to wear a belt o.O I forgot what it felt like to wear clothes that were too big for you, its a very odd feeling when you've got accustomed to everything you wear feeling unbelievably tight and being scared of bending over in case you rip whatever you're wearing.

Thought I'd try and put my weight loss into some perspective so I can feel a little prouder of myself and grasp the reality of what I've lost. A can of Branston's Baked Beans (410g) is approx 1lb in weight including the can. So I have lost 17 cans of baked beans off my body. I can't imagine even picking it up, yet I've been carrying it around most of this year. It doesn't make me wonder why I used to get so out of breath walking!

Weight Loss Goal: 35lbs

Starting Weight: 189.5lbs (13st 7.5lbs)

Current Weight: 172.5lbs (12st 4.5 lbs)

Weight Loss This Week: 2lbs

Weight Loss So Far: 17lbs


Current Weight Loss to Go: 18lbs

Goal Weight: 154lbs (11st)