Have been trying to think to myself how to explain this much of a loss...
- Stress of the move
- Thinking about all the reading for next year...stress
- Drinking what little i've done has put me off my food a lot.
- I have walked everywhere, I've done more walking than when I was at home.
I think once I get back into a routine of lectures and seminars I think I'll find it easier to eat more and when I do eat the right food and incorporate my exercise regime back into my life. Fresher's week is a very strange week! Obviously I'm not going to deny it feels really good to lose 3.25lbs in a week but I know a lot of that is do with stress and change of lifestyle but least now I'm only 5lbs away from my goal weight :)
Weight Loss Goal: 35lbs
Starting Weight: 189.5lbs (13st 7.5lbs)
Current Weight: 159 lbs (11st 5 lbs)
Weight Loss This Week: 3.25lbsWeight Loss So Far: 30.5lbs
Current Weight Loss to Go: 5lbs
Goal Weight: 154lbs (11st)
Right now I'm sitting here drinking some coffee knowing that I need to talk to someone. I thought I'd feel different coming back here knowing so many people but I feel just as lonely as that first day as to be honest this is the only way I can honestly talk about my feelings, writing them down. The words don't come when I'm in conversation they just get pushed further and further down. It's something that I wish could get better as there are very few people that can get the truth out of me, lying seems a lot easier even though I know its probably completely obvious, its easier.
I should feel amazing right? I've lost all this weight, my friends are paying me the most thoughtful compliments and have been so incredibly sweet and I'm thankful for them, I really am. By this logic I must be looking great but I feel the exact opposite. I know I'm smaller well I must be, a lot of the stuff I wore last year I had to leave at home because it was too big and i've been able to wear clothes I haven't worn since I was 18.
I need help to let go as whenever I've had a drink recently especially these last two nights. I haven't been able to let go and get drunk and have fun, I've been going at half speed. I haven't felt like myself and part of me thinks I was a lot more fun when I was bigger as right now thinking about a night out makes me panic. I think if I let go, I'm suddenly gonna put all two stone back on and all my work will have been for nothing.
I think of the calories I'll have to consume to line my stomach, the amount of calories in the alcohol, the post night out chip shop visit calories and the calories the following day when I'm craving greasy salty food. I've been in a safe routine of being able to monitor everything so carefully that alcohol scares me. I'm scared to lose control of the situation like I lost control of the situation with my weight. I don't want to go back to feeling bad about myself but I don't think I feel that much better at the moment.
Somehow I've got even less confident around men in general, I can't even look them in the eyes if they're not my friend and if they get too close I get freaked out or walk off or if I get paid a compliment I don't believe them. I feel like every one of them is just trying to play a cruel joke. I thought my confidence was rock bottom before and I thought I was getting better back home because I was able to lift my head when walking down the street alone but going on a night out in Aberystwyth has just made me doubt that progress.
I think I just need someone to help let go and not feel so worried about how I look or be scared of putting on weight. I went out for meals pretty much twice a day on holiday, I drank cocktails and did very little exercise and I only put on half a pound which I lost straight away so why I am so scared of letting go once a week? I think I'd have a lot more fun if I just went all out. I really want to be 'fat girl' rather than 'fit girl' at the moment as at least 'fat girl' had a good time.
Was not expecting that! I only weighed myself last sunday after the holiday and I haven't gone particulary mad with the exercise this week but I'm happy only 3/4lb away from losing 2 stone. I would not think in a million years I would have lost this much weight before returning to uni. In the beginning I was just hoping for 10% of my original body weight but here I am at 27.25lbs lost and going strong, I wanna lose the last 8.25lbs over the next term but I realise my weight loss will be hindered by university life so as long as I'm 11 stone at christmas I'll be a happy girl but even right now I've got dressed this morning and I think I'm looking pretty damn good and feel like myself again :)
and for any of you at Aberystwyth reading this, I can't wait to see you all. See you soon xo
Weight Loss Goal: 35lbs
Starting Weight: 189.5lbs (13st 7.5lbs)
Current Weight: 162.25 lbs (11st 8.25lbs)
Weight Loss This Week: 3lbs
Weight Loss So Far: 27.25lbs
Current Weight Loss to Go: 8.25lbs
Goal Weight: 154lbs (11st)
I gained half a 1lb, I can live with this as I expected to gain at least 2lbs. I enjoyed myself and ate lots of beautiful spanish food, drank wine with dinner and had cocktails on the evening. I'm proud of myself as I didn't calorie count or choose salads but I didn't go completely off the rails and stuff or drink myself stupid.
I feel like my confidence has gone up a lot as having walked round in only a bikini I didn't feel exposed or giant, I felt normal like I fitted in with everyone else rather than feeling like a blimp or an outcast. I think a part of me still thinks I'm bigger than I am but I'm working on it :)
It probably helps having a tan as well that's giving me a glow but I really feel happier after this holiday, I feel more relaxed about my body and want to keep that attitude towards food and myself way into the future. There's definitely a spring back in my step :)
Weight Loss Goal: 35lbs
Starting Weight: 189.5lbs (13st 7.5lbs)
Current Weight: 165.25 lbs (11st 10.75lbs)
Weight Gain: 0.5lb
Weight Loss So Far: 24.25lbs
Current Weight Loss to Go: 10.75lbs
Goal Weight: 154lbs (11st)
P.S As promised, me in a bikini, it may not be a perfect body but it's mine :)
An extra 1lb lost before the holiday so I'm happy. I'm praying I'll stay the same but I have a feeling I might gain a couple of lbs just through alcohol consumption and eating out every night. In 24 hours I'll be there and itching to get into a bikini and lie by the pool! Wish me luck :) see you soon xo
Weight Loss Goal: 35lbs
Starting Weight: 189.5lbs (13st 7.5lbs)
Current Weight: 164.75 lbs (11st 10.75lbs)
Weight Loss This Week: 1lb
Weight Loss So Far: 24.75lbs
Current Weight Loss to Go: 10.25lbs
Goal Weight: 154lbs (11st)
After yesterday I feel like I could share some lessons about dieting/lifestyle change to prevent hiccups or being sick in my case.
1. Do not drink excessive amounts of tea and coffee, it will not end well. The caffiene keeps you going but it's not real energy!
2. Following feeling sick and thinking its hunger do not wolf down your dinner in less than 5 minutes and barely chew your food.
3. Do not think peppermint tea will help the situation if nausea has already kicked in!
What I have learned is my body has changed, I can not wolf down a huge meal quickly like I used to. I used to eat a whole pasta bake to myself in about 10 minutes and I'm not that person anymore. My stomach has got used to smaller meals and taking longer to eat.
It's a good tip (for everyone) to chew your food for as long as possible, it makes you feel fuller quicker and aids digestion. Take time to appreciate your food, I've been thinking lately its just energy but it needs to be enjoyed. What's your body gonna do with a piece of unchewed belly pork? stomach acid is strong but not that strong!
So even 3 months in I still make mistakes and I want people to know it's ok to screw up whether its overeating, eating the wrong food or missing the gym because you feel lazy, we're all human and it's ok :)
I've also decided I'm going to weigh myself tomorrow, as an almost 13 week weigh in to see what weight I've reached before the holiday :) I might not have lost anything since monday but I want to know what I am before I go away as it'll be awhile before I'll be near a set of scales.
See you tomorrow for an update xo
Weight Loss Goal: 35lbs
Starting Weight: 189.5lbs (13st 7.5lbs)
Current Weight: 165.75 lbs (11st 11.75lbs)
Weight Loss This Week: 1.25lbs
Weight Loss So Far: 23.75lbs
Current Weight Loss to Go: 11.25lbs
Goal Weight: 154lbs (11st)
Hey everyone, only 1.25lbs this week but I'm not shocked as I didn't go to the gym or do any exercise besides walking around merry hill and a half hour bike ride. I really really really hate my periods they pretty much put me on standstill exercise wise for at least a week and leave me feeling tired, in pain and just wanting to dive into a bowl of icecream! I know gentle exercise is meant to help but my exercise regime isn't particularly gentle and I barely feel like getting out my pjs when it's that bad.
I'm going to try and get at least one session at the gym and one swimming session in before the holiday to see if I can lose a bit more but I'm afraid you guys won't know the results as this time next week I'm going to be in tenerife yay :)
But I'm really proud pretty much 24lbs lost before the holiday so I'm feeling a little more bikini ready. 12 weeks ago I would have gone out and bought tankinis and swimming costumes to wear so its a massive change to my confidence. I'm hoping with the holiday as it will be hard to follow my diet that I'll at least reach 25lbs lost before I'm back at aber which would be 11 stone 10.5lbs. Its not far off from what I am now.
I still have 5 days (including today) before the holiday and a week after I come back to work on it. However because tenerife is disrupting things a little bit, I won't be able to post a 13 or 14 week weigh in. 13 week, because I'm over there and 14 week, I don't want to weigh myself straight away after coming back. So I will update my new weight on the 23rd september (the day before I go back to Aberystwyth) which is about 18 days away and fingers crossed I'll reach my 25lbs goal or possibly surpass it if I work hard enough and don't go too mad on holiday :)
See you soon xo
P.S I will be posting pictures of me in a bikini on here as it was suggested by one of my friends when I post my next weigh in as I feel I need to be honest about my body and what I've achieved in the last 3 months :)
