Hey everyone, Thought I definitely needed to write a blog about this event. I've been so good on my diet for weeks staying in my 1500 calorie goal working my butt off but yesterday I just felt awful. I was sore from body combat had a horrible headache and just thought fuck it why am I doing this? I went to the kitchen it started off with a cheese toastie, followed by a packet of crisps, followed by a can of rice pudding followed by another packet of crisps. In other words about a 1000 calorie binge and I felt satsified but then came the huge load of guilt thinking I've ruined my diet for nothing but crap food that didn't make me happy.
It was a moment of clarity about my bingeing, over the last few years I've loved to binge but its been a lot of secret bingeing. Hiding junk in my pockets or going up Tesco's and heading straight to my room to binge where no one can see me. Eating family bag size packets of Doritios with whole tubs of dip, pizzas, mounds of fish fingers. I thought some how it wasn't happening as no one saw me do it. Yesterday made me realise food is never going to make me happy how I think it will. All my problems or frustrations won't go away if I binge, its just going to wrack me guilt and I'm going have to remember that the next time I want to go crazy and think fuck it. Well I'm off to the gym to hopefully offset the damage I've done.
xo
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