Thought I'd write a little blog, well just about how nervous I'm feeling once again. Every sunday night is full of do I feel any slimmer? Will I have lost weight? I've exercised, I've eaten well, so I should, right? A lot about weight loss is believing you can and despite losing the weight I have so far, somehow I feel like its a fluke even though I've worked hard to get here. I really need to build my confidence in all areas of life as whenever I do well and succeed, I assume I'm just lucky. I've got to start owning my achievements.
This diet is getting really hard as we're at 7 weeks now, most diets people go on last about 2/3 weeks before lapsing back into old habits but I really don't want to. I don't want to be fat laura anymore and I can still see part of her in me. I'm expecting a cinderella transformation but it's not going to happen. I preach patience to everyone but I don't want to be patient. I'm ready for it to happen now.
That's another thing I need to take ownership of my failings and gaining all this weight is a failing. The pill/mini pill/implant may have played a part as their side effects do include weight gain but I did this to my body and I don't deserve to have this weight lifted off me instantly. Weight loss needs to be about ownership and right now I've got to own this, own my success so far and own my failings that have led me to this diet.
I need to work for this so I really appreciate my new body. I'm still nervous about the fact I'm going to Tenerife and will be in a bikini for all to see but I need to own that bikini and walk tall (insert bad pun here about my 5'4 frame) I guess I've forgotten how to feel confident in all aspects of my life and sometimes I wonder amongst all the teenage angst if I've ever felt confident but it's something I need if I'm going to be successful in all aspects of my life.
I need confidence and I need to trust in my abilities and in other people. People aren't secretly thinking "what the hell is she doing wearing that? She's too fat, what an idiot!" People are not as mean as I give them credit for and I'm not that grossly overweight, I'm able to run without dying, I can still see my feet, I shop in high street stores etc! When I look in the mirror I don't think I see the real me, I always see myself as fatter than I am and that needs to stop :)
Now I think a good night's sleep is in order and I'll update weight stats in the morning -fingers crossed- xo
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